like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
