Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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