If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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