I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
