i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
