the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
