I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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