It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
