just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
