lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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