So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
