So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
