Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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