It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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