LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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