You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
