WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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