I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
