Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Randomize
