How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
