Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
