so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
