my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
