I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
