You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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