You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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