Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
