But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
