You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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