I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
