We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
