Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
