I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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