There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
