It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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