You made me cry and you don't even care
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
how drunk are you?
Several
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
