you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
