Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
