im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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