So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
