Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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