I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
