In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
