Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love you.
Bad choice
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
