i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
