Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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