We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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