Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
