dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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