I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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