Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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