you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
